Sending missionary love.

I never thought it would be so hard. Leaving. Saying goodbye. I never anticipated this.

I have said goodbye to my fair share of missionaries- four older brothers, cousins and friends.

Never did I see this coming though-

Sunday morning I was able to make it home for General Conference. It was the first time I was able to go home since I moved to school. I walked through that familiar door way and was bombarded by the smells of Sunday dinner. My mother was in the kitchen and when she heard the door she made her way over to greet me. I didn't put anything down, but instead went right to her and hugged her. A flood of emotion hit me and I started to cry. 

Then Mom started to cry. This made me cry harder.

The rest of the day I was a bucket full of tears. 

Then yesterday I got this note forwarded to me.

Tell Kels:

Whoa whoa whoa... Relax... Relax ... Relax :)…………..Relax (breathe in and then after that breathe out) Smile! just do it. You have the worlds best smile and everytime you are all worried then no one sees it! so ... breathe!. Remember that you have made Huge promises with the Lord. The only thing he asks is that you do your part, and when you do that he will ALWAYS do his part. That means the rest of the whole world is out of your hands. The object of all this is to give your wholeself to the Lord, offer your whole soul as an offering to him (Check Omni) you do that by simply keeping the promises you have already made. Sounds simple right? In the process there will be speed bumps, and tough days and tears and sweat and scrapes and blood, but smile :) Because thats how you brighten a dark world. Tell her To be a good girl and God will Do the rest! Do your best until the end of the day, and then go talk to God about it as you kneel at your bedside :) he will give you comfort and the strength to continue, not to mention a full 8 hours to rest! So relax! dont stress! Worrying about others and about their welfare is a good thing, worrying about everything is a bad thing, and doesnt come from God. Remember you have a family to support you, a team of loyal followers, a Father in heaven who is NEVER absent, and a far off elder in Mexico to vent and complain too :) Tell her to sing "be still my soul" when she is sad or troubled, thats what i do almost daily. Tell her God Gave us a commandment in John to not let our hearts be troubled. Lets obey.

Be strong.

Sending missionary love. 

I am now in the "month of lasts" and the reality of leaving is becoming real.

I am scared. Oh, I am so scared. 

But then I remember my purpose for going on a mission.

The purpose is to serve the Lord and my fellow men. 

Wed-nes-day

Upstairs someone is play the accordion. I like it. Today is Wednesday - only Wednesday. School is back in session and I love it but as each day passes my heart beat grows a bit more heavy.

I am at loss for words to describe how I feel. The mission is always on my mind- most of the time it is disbelief that I am actually going and the rest of the time I jump from extremely excited to terrified. . .oh and I can't forget confusion.

You see as a girl I am not obligated to go on a mission. It isn't my responsibility and in all actuality I could turn back any time and it would be just fine. That scares me. And when fear of the unknown sets in I question my desires, my ability, and my strength to dedicate 18 months of my life to the people in San Jose, California. Not going taunts me.

Then I remember why I am going. I want to serve a mission because happiness is everything- but not just an instant happiness. I am talking about the eternal happiness that binds families together, the happiness that radiates light, love and truth. I want to share that with everyone I can. It is easy to feel my true desires when I am not being lured in by everything I will miss.

That being said.

It is Wednesday- I love Wednesday, but they make me homesick. Homesick for drives down a dirt road just to park on a bridge in the Middle. Homesick for picking sunflowers and porch swings. Wednesdays make me long for green grass, corn fields, surprise sprinklers and late night talks on the stairs.

goodnight (?)

Home is wonderful,

despite the fact that I got sick today and slept the afternoon away.

But now that it is 11:40 p.m. I feel better

and I am very much wide awake. . . 

but the rest of the house is quite and I have been told to go to bed twice now.

Today I was asked how it was to move back home,

and I have decided that it feels freeing-

I feel free from any pressure that exists beyond the walls of my parent's house

and for the moment I can breath easy.

Tomorrow I will attempt to unpack.

(then we will see how "freeing" it is to be home)

FOUND: four (4) wonderful women

I found these beautiful pictures on my computer today.
I don't know when these were taken exactly but I do know that they are wonderful. . . both the pictures and the ladies.

I love them.

Three weeks left.

home is good.

home is happy.

home is lovely, marvelous and everything good.

I miss home. 

This weekend was splendid.

Then end.

-"You can paint with all the colors of the. . . . chalk?

I went to Spanish Forks Color Festival.
It was so much fun!  I was so tired!
(the previous night I went to bed at 3:30 AM because a group of us dressed up like gothic/punk people and partied it up!)
The Color Festival is a religious celebrations- but that is all I know basically. . .
I haven't really cared to take the time to look up why we threw colors in the air, but I will now-
I know they burt a witch.

Only five of our crew made the trek down.
It was a bit chilly, but not too bad.
I got blue chalk in my eye- Thanks Eric.
We ended up looking like Easter Eggs.

I can't wait until next year!
I am going to do the mud slide! (:
Oh and I either want to dress up like a ninja or a birde!
Good plan huh!?

Notice the creeper in the left hand corner- totally creepin' But he makes this picture so much better I will admit!

I drove the rest of the way home after being caked in chalk dust.
I was starving and tired and so glad to finally get home to shower.
The rest of the weekend was amazing!

Fact: Three hours of sleep for two days full of excitement is not enough.
Fact: Color is a BIG deal in my life.
Fact: Driving while tired is not safe.  It is scary.
Fact: Wearing someone else contacts won't make you see better.
Fact: I miss my high school friends more than I thought possible.
Fact: Hoss is going to be an amazing missionary.
Fact: Grandma RuLeen is amazing.

Quote of the weekend: "Next time you won't catch me in my fan-duds." - Grandma RuLeen.

high five Thursday!

so sometimes I like to stay up late. . 

Okay- I am not going to beat around the bush, I always go to bed late.

In fact this whole week I don't think I have been in bed before 1:30. . . 

shoot.

My sister-in-law, Sandi, says something along the lines of 

"Kelsie you can always do homework, but parties only happen once."

That isn't exactly how it goes, but it is late

and it is close enough.

Tonight I did study before I played.

I patted myself on the back already, don't worry!

Then my friend Keni came over.

She is pretty much amazing.  I met her in crossfit.

We played computer- took virtual tours of the places that we grew up

on Google MAPS.

Then we watched a long movie

The Scarlet Pimpernel 

it was funny- well the parts I watched.

I studied during half of it. . . 

Keni says the book is better

I think I will read it.

It is funny how every time I have to drive home I stay up late. . .

NOT SAFE!

Luckily for me I will have a friend for the ride.

I am kinda sad to be leaving Logan again.

It is such a beautiful place

with such marvelous people. . .

But then again

I am basically surrounded by marvelous people.  

(BLESSINGS!)

Tomorrow (today) 20,000 Bouncy Balls are going to be dropped 

FROM A HELICOPTER! 100 FEET IN THE AIR.

 It is going to be amazing- to say the least.

I plan on taking pictures- 

AND VIDEO!

Oh by the way. . .

cute picture huh!?

I think so.  We are never up this late

. . . together, on a weekday!

True college experiences?  I think yes.

AND

as you may have noticed

My dearest Tami is MIA.

The poor girl has a dreadful job at cleaning buildings

AT 4 o'clock in the MORNING!

RIDICULOUS

everyone should be sleeping during that hour.

I miss her dearly

(this is only the first week too. . . )

My poor dear.

What people do when they are in love. . . 

(Oh, background: Tami is ENGAGED!  story to come soon!- hopefully. . .)

High Five Thursday!

Sno-Cattin' Adventure (mind you no boy/husband talk included)

BEWARE: picture OVERLOAD! (yes, each picture deserves to be large and centered!)

Okay now for the story. . . not that each picture doesn't speak for itself.

. . . . . 

Friday before Spring Break I loaded up my roommates, Aubrie and two of the J3 boys- Eric and Tyson. The Durango was packed, but we got off in really good time.  See we had to leave decently early because Shay's prom was that night, and yes we went to watch- (where I come from the whole community goes to WATCH prom, but that is another story)

Saturday we ventured up into the mountains.  My pa had agreed to take us all up on the Snow Cats.  Long story short it was a new experience for everyone! 

Quick shout out to Pa, Weston and D!  Thanks for playing tour guide!

RECAP of the weekend:

(no particular order)

• Eric went up in the mountains with a broken leg. . LOTS OF PAIN
• Played in the snow all day long!
• Rode Snow Cats
• AMAZING food (thanks Ma!)
• My friends got to see what it is like where I grew up
• Everyone fell in love with my kids
• Sleepovers on the floor
• LOTS OF DRIVING!

I missed lots of important details - this is true. . .

But I would need a whole day just to relive those little moments.

Really- the weekend was just SIMPLY MARVELOUS!

Read Kellie's two-bits 

of the glamorous weekend!

just let her sleep.

I love this.

Holding a sleeping child is like nothing else.

To me it is like a piece of heaven- in the moment.

It is simple. It is about love.

I will miss this when I go back to Logan.

Today as been lovely.

Not only did I get to rock my little Addi to sleep, but today I slept in. . . In my mind perhaps a bit too much, but I feel good now- my body must have needed it I guess.  I finished my book.  I started reading The Hunger Games on Wednesday and despite many pleasant interruptions I finally finished it.  I highly recommend it.  It was beautiful outside.  I love the first hiccups of spring!  Last but not least tonight, or tomorrow morning we move the clocks forward. . . and even though I will loose one hour of sleep (I made up for it today) I love when it is brighter later!  

1:27 am

It is late.

Or early I guess.

I am tired.

I don't have sheets on my bed,

but hey- my bed is ridiculously comfortable anyway.

Jealous?

You should be.

Tonight as I was getting ready for bed I felt like I was missing something. . .

And then I remembered

I miss CHARLY, the book.

It is a sad story- this is true

but Eric has been reading a chapter to us

 from the book each night 

for the past two weeks.

It all started when I wasn't going to bed in good time.

I would complain about being tired during the day. . .

SO

Eric said he was going to make me go to sleep

before wee-hours in the morning.

I told him I needed a bed time story

. . . the rest is history.

It usually ends up all four of us on one of our beds

while Eric gets into his "fatherly-story telling mode"

I love the way he talks in Charly's voice- bahaha!

(don't judge us, we are getting ready for bed!)

Oh and if you haven't noticed
Spring Break = Lots of blog posts!
I love being home! (:

and I thought this was bad. . .

I have driven from Logan home 

three times in the past two weeks.

Pretty sure I could do it with my eyes closed

. . . doesn't mean I want to try it.

 I took this picture driving home last night.

I wish the roads had been this good all the way home,

maybe then it would have only taken me four and a half hours.

Surprisingly it wasn't too hard for me to drive slow on the way home.

(background: I like to get places quickly- I speed. . .too much sometimes)

Having my little girls in the car though 

made it really easy to take my time.

I am so thankful we made it home safe.

Even if it did take almost twice as long.

Counting my blessings!

Vehicle: 2004 Suburban (mom's)

Passengers: Lulu, and Jaders (fell asleep as soon as we got in the car)

Driver: Me 

Number of seat belts worn: three

Movie: Despicable Me (played through twice)

Road conditions: terrible

Lowest speed on I-15: 0 mph

Highest speed on I-15: 60 mph

Number of passed wrecks: six

Anxiety level: too high to measure

Time to get home: 5 hours and 35 minutes

Average time to get home: 3 and a half hours 

While I was driving this is what I heard going on in the backseat:

Jades, "what if a lion was lying? (giggling)"
Lulu, "yep."
Jades, "Halee, knock knock"
Lu, "Who is there?"
Jades, "Lion"
Lu, "Lion who?"
Jades, "Rawr! because that is what Lions say."
Lu, "Okay" (while texting boys on my phone)

Love these girls.

my kids.

Before I turned babysitting age

I would cry to babysit.

When I turned ten I got my first babysitting job

. . . since then I haven't stopped.

I love it!

That is why I want to be a mom.

a stay at home, 24/7 homemaker.

(I already have a soccer mom car!)

I was eleven and a half when my niece Lulu was born.

I remember riding over to the hospital with my grandma,

. . . longest car ride EVER!

Eight years later I am nine kids richer!

Being away at college I get homesick.

especially for my kids.

Not this last weekend, but the weekend before

I came home from school

(for the first time since Christmas- wild!)

I decided that I needed to have a ginormous sleep over with my kids!

So that is what we did.

We watched How to Train a Dragon 

(Swayz picked)

I tucked all of them in like Burritos

and then I spent the rest of the night juggling kids

(aka: helping them fall to sleep)

I love my kids.

end of story.

homebound.

I am going home tomorrow!
(p.s. this is what home looks like)

so basically

I just really like this picture

and 

I wanted to put it on my blog! 

the end.

weather forecast:

 Hey I beat the storm!

I left Logan at noon and hoped and prayed I wouldn't get caught in bad weather.

. . . . 

My cousin Shalysse prayed for us

and looky here - I made it home safe!

My trip consisted of:

 No stress- I didn't text and drive. . . 

. . . when there were other vehicles on the road

(I am trying to be better)

After 3.5 hours in the car

I made it!

I AM HOME!

Blue Skies.

Fifty degree weather.

No snow in the valley.

. . . . 

yep- defiantly not in Logan anymore.






(can you tell that I got bored after I dropped off Shalysse?  I may or may not have got a little bit distracted with the camera while driving- what is more of a distraction. . . the phone vs. Oscar?)

To my Bosty.

To my dearest Bosty-sauce,
I miss your craziness!  I miss you wanting me to spin you around and around just to have me stop and have you say "'gain Kels- one, two, three- 'gain!"   I love your spunky little self and wish I could watch you grow up.  I wish I could have celebrated your birthday with you and kissed your face repetitively just to hear you giggle and feel you squirm in my arms!  I love you saucy!

The Holidays are killer- I wish I was home.  I don't think I have been more homesick at school until this point.  I just want to go home- my real home where my family is.  I want to be around those who have known me my entire life and that love me unconditionally.  I want to be by my family- and to enjoy all the simple moments that we share.  I want to laugh at the dry jokes my dad tells, I want to rough-house this kids and to paint my mom's toe-nails.  I want to cuddle up with my sister in her bed and talk about boys and how stupid they are.  I want to have late night conversations with my grandma Rueleen who ALWAYS has the best advice.  I want to help around the house.  I want to be able to escape to my home and just to get away from school and life- but here school is life and no matter where I go I have to deal with my own problems.  I have to figure things out on my own, and I have to grow up- all things I am not fond of.
I have ALWAYS been really close to my family.  I would often skip out on hanging out with my friends just so I could spend that time with my family.  I would give anything to be home right now.  This last week I have wondered why I came to USU.  I have asked myself over and over why I didn't choose a school closer to home, a school that I could have gone to for a very little cost.  I would have known people.  I could go home just to spend the afternoon and make it to class on time the next day.
I want to be home.  I miss my family.  I miss my kids.  I miss my friends.  I miss everything familiar about home.

unfolding.

Right now I'm listening to "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts.
It reminds me of home.  It reminds me of truth and hope and all things good in life.  It reminds me that no matter what people love me and stand by me.  I like that.
Today, Sunday, these days are always beautiful days.
I'm so thankful to be alive.
To breathe in clean air, to have freedom to think and act freely, to have choices in my life.
I'm thankful for every opportunity, every blessing that I have been given.
I feel humble right now.  I have caught myself neglecting these blessings, not taking time to thank My Father in Heaven for all that he has done for me.
Right now I'm going to school four hours from home.  Only four hours, that means if I needed to I could go home and be home in one day, I could leave at any second and know that in four hours I will be surround by those who will love me unconditionally.
I have met amazing people who, even though they may not know it, have impacted my life tremendously, and I've only live here for two weeks.

I came here because it felt right.
I am a person who relies entirely on feelings I receive.  (Some may call it nerve, some say I am just silly, but I know it is the Spirit guiding me.  I've felt it.)
I knew that I needed to come to USU, but I didn't know why at the time.  I think things are starting to unfold.

Have you ever sat and watched people in the mall or at Walmart parking lot?
I do this all the time.  I sit and watch how they interact with one another, how they rush from one place to another- always on the go, always having a set destination.  I think about things like this a lot- I think about the pre-mortal life and wonder what kind of relationship I had with these people before we came here to earth.  Maybe I'm alone on this, but I think about that all the time.
Have you ever met someone and felt like you have known them your entire life?
I have, I have met people here that I feel like I know, and have known for a very long time.  It is even hard for me to remember my life with out these significant people in my life.

I know I have said this before, but I believe that the people we meet we meet for a reason and the impact that these people have on our life shape us to become the people that the Lord needs us to be to fulfill his plan.  I think about that a lot too.

I made a few goals today:

• Take some time just for silence- listen for guidance and direction
• Study more- I am doing decent, I get all my homework done.  I want to excel though- I will.
• Serve others. 
• Patience 
• Lead

Tomorrow starts week three.  It has gone by fast. 

My sister said she may come stay with me next weekend.  I really hope she will.  I miss her.

Sandi and the kids are coming too!  I'm so very excited!  

Mmhmm!

Realization:  Today was my last Sunday in my homeward for a long while. . . not sure how to take it.

My mom just asked me what treat I wanted her to make because I will be leaving soon . . . not sure how to take that either.

I wonder where I will take Sunday naps at my apartment.

I'm suppose to be doing my homework. . .

I know it is still summer, who does homework?

I do. . . 

Well at least I'm supposed to-

Today I finished a MARVELOUS book! It is called The Traveler's Gift, and if you haven't read it I highly recommend it.  This book has definitely gone down in my top ten list!

I have read two books this whole summer. . .

Not great, but not too bad either I guess.

What should I read next?  any ideas?

I worked more hours this paycheck then I have ever worked in all my hours at the pool!  Oh how I'm looking forward to payday! (:

I have realized this a lot lately, but I have the greatest friends- Friends who care about me, take care about me, wonder how I'm doing, how I'm feeling.  I have friends that bring me yummy treats at work, and that give me hugs, friends who just want to talk- just to talk!  

I'm a hopeless romantic-  'nuff said.

I have blisters on the backs of both of my ankles I guess you would say. . . from running in Shay's shoes.  And then I got a ginormous one on the bottom of my right foot from running in my old volleyball shoes. . . 

 O I have started running.

I run about five miles or until everything feels better.

Is it bad to literally run away from my problems?

I do enjoy it though. . . Never thought I would say that in all my life.

Shane comes home Wednesday!!!

I move in a week and three days!  

I should find out who my roommates are next week! 

drum roll please. . . 

I'm praying for good ones!

cross your fingers for me!

I only have four more days of work-

I already crave the smell of chlorine.

I hate when the pool closes.

I love teaching swim lessons!  It use to scare me and make me really nervous, but I really do enjoy it!  I especially love when I get little gifts from my students, or when I am just working, or walking around town and I get a "HELLO TEACHER!"  "hey mom that's my teacher!"- I really do love that!

Guess I should try to do my homework again!

The word "homework" makes my heart sink.

Summers are too short.

One more side note. . . Is it weird to anyone else that there are only four more months left in 2010?