Upstairs someone is play the accordion. I like it. Today is Wednesday - only Wednesday. School is back in session and I love it but as each day passes my heart beat grows a bit more heavy.
I am at loss for words to describe how I feel. The mission is always on my mind- most of the time it is disbelief that I am actually going and the rest of the time I jump from extremely excited to terrified. . .oh and I can't forget confusion.
You see as a girl I am not obligated to go on a mission. It isn't my responsibility and in all actuality I could turn back any time and it would be just fine. That scares me. And when fear of the unknown sets in I question my desires, my ability, and my strength to dedicate 18 months of my life to the people in San Jose, California. Not going taunts me.
Then I remember why I am going. I want to serve a mission because happiness is everything- but not just an instant happiness. I am talking about the eternal happiness that binds families together, the happiness that radiates light, love and truth. I want to share that with everyone I can. It is easy to feel my true desires when I am not being lured in by everything I will miss.
That being said.
It is Wednesday- I love Wednesday, but they make me homesick. Homesick for drives down a dirt road just to park on a bridge in the Middle. Homesick for picking sunflowers and porch swings. Wednesdays make me long for green grass, corn fields, surprise sprinklers and late night talks on the stairs.