Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Wed-nes-day

Upstairs someone is play the accordion. I like it. Today is Wednesday - only Wednesday. School is back in session and I love it but as each day passes my heart beat grows a bit more heavy.

I am at loss for words to describe how I feel. The mission is always on my mind- most of the time it is disbelief that I am actually going and the rest of the time I jump from extremely excited to terrified. . .oh and I can't forget confusion.

You see as a girl I am not obligated to go on a mission. It isn't my responsibility and in all actuality I could turn back any time and it would be just fine. That scares me. And when fear of the unknown sets in I question my desires, my ability, and my strength to dedicate 18 months of my life to the people in San Jose, California. Not going taunts me.

Then I remember why I am going. I want to serve a mission because happiness is everything- but not just an instant happiness. I am talking about the eternal happiness that binds families together, the happiness that radiates light, love and truth. I want to share that with everyone I can. It is easy to feel my true desires when I am not being lured in by everything I will miss.

That being said.

It is Wednesday- I love Wednesday, but they make me homesick. Homesick for drives down a dirt road just to park on a bridge in the Middle. Homesick for picking sunflowers and porch swings. Wednesdays make me long for green grass, corn fields, surprise sprinklers and late night talks on the stairs.

2 comments:

brielle said...

ah you make me miss home. i'd kill for a dirt road & late night stair talk right now.

Shaylee Gale said...

Kels, you will LOVE San Jose! To be honest, I miss our tiny little area of Cali (okay, it's not tiny, but to most Californians it is). Promise me that if you get a chance and are allowed, you will go to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk, Fisherman's Wharf in Monterey and eat the clam chowder at Crab Louie's, and when you go to the Oakland Temple, you will stand at the top, look across to San Francisco, and just love where you are and what you are doing. You will love it and be an awesome missionary. When in doubt, request a Priesthood Blessing.