Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I'm alive. . . kicking too.

Hey look I changed up my blog for a crisp, new, clean, simple look.  What do you think.  I like it.  I think it is just simply splendid.
I go through bogging phases and well a lot of time has passed since I paid much attention to this blog so I figured I better give you all something to look at- including myself.

20 Things that I love about today:
  1. My roommates.
  2. The aching in my butt from Crossfit.
  3. Not having homework due tomorrow.
  4. Taco Tuesdays at IWA.
  5. Being on campus all day long.
  6. Getting free food at the Blood Drive (even though I couldn't donate they still gave me food).
  7. Adobe Illustrator
  8. Birthday Parties.
  9. Talking to old friends on campus.
  10. Long talks with Mom on the phone.
  11. Finding out Shay won her basketball game.
  12. Brushing my teeth.
  13. Hiding in a small bathroom, anticipating a surprise and having to go pee!
  14. The J3 boys.
  15. Coloring pictures on my phone and sending them to people.
  16. Writing in my journal.
  17. Watching the bus get stuck on the hill because of the snow (it made me laugh all day long, even if it did cause me to be late for class).
  18. Interviewing for a job I didn't want. (I am not being sarcastic, I like to be interviewed about myself!)
  19. "Good Morning" text messages - They just make my day!
  20. Having a class with my cousin Shalysse.                                                                                              (I know I added #21. because today was worth it)
  21. Not doing any of my homework. . .  yes this makes me happy for today.

Other fun facts about today:
  • I got a few emails from people complimenting me on my photography and asking me to take their pictures!!! Super excited (By the way I am going to start the process of switching my major this week.  I am going to start with photography and then possibly do a double major.)
  • D4 is currently beating the J3 boys at war-  D4 has three points and J3 only has one.   
  • I get to see my mommy and my sister come Saturday afternoon and I am extremely excited!

Guess what world.  Kels is back!  I lost myself last semester.  I honestly think I went into a state of depression-  I did the whole college thing backwards. . .you know where the student gets homesick at the beginning of the semester and gradually grows away as the year goes on- well I did that entirely opposite.  I covered everything-  All my time was consumed to mask the pain of being alone in this big world. (I come from a small town. I am/was naive and jumping head first into a situation like this caused me shock.)  So when I started to gather up all my pieces at the end of last semester and tried to put them together they wouldn't fit.  I felt like things were going all wrong and all I wanted to do was run away and get back to my comfort zone.  I couldn't though- it was gone.  I felt more lost and alone than I have ever felt.  That is when I decided things needed to be done and I needed to take action to get my life back on track.  
I believe that the hardest things we go through cause us to grow the most.  I believe that we are given trials to sculpt us into the servants that the Lord needs in his army.  I believe that we are challenged to prove ourselves and our endurance.  I also believe that "there is now growth in the comfort zone and there is no comfort in the growth zone." - Carol Lee J.  The end of last semester was rough-  I don't know how else to phrase it.  I tried blaming it on the weather, you know the whole "winter-blues" type of thing, but that most defiantly wasn't the case.  I had to find myself- I was lost.  It hurt, at times it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest, jumped on by an obese kid with a pogo stick, and then field goal kicked right back into my rib cage.  Agony.  But most defiantly worth it. 
I didn't realize how bad I was until days like this when I look back and think about how miserable I was.  I think about what I went through and the things I did to please other people.  It was stupid of me.  (Shout out to Katie Cowan for telling me that pleasing people is basically stupid - not directly quoted.)  I was talking to my mama on the phone today and something she said to me hit me kind of hard.  She said, "Kels I am glad you are happy again.  It has been a long time since I have heard you be this happy.  Welcome back."  I am back.  I am alive and watch out because I am kicking.  I have a lot of life to catch up on.

The end.

(Is it weird that every post I make I type it out, publish it, preview it, fix it, add a few more two-bits, preview it, fix it, publish it again, then my mom will read it and tell me something I need to fix, so I do, then I publish it again. . . and so on and so forth. . . )

I am falling in love with turtle necks.
Maybe it is the warmth from the Logan coldness.
Perhaps the modesty.
Do I need a legitimate reason?
I think not.
I think I hit the wall and now I am rebounding off-
I should be to bed.
It is 2 in the morning, and I have a ridiculously long, but fun day tomorrow!
I may feel a tad-bit crazy!


Team Cowan said...

Hey pretty girl. Glad you're back. I love how easy it is for you to write from your heart. That doesn't come easy to me. And I never commented on it before, but I loved how you posted that Format song. It's a good one. :)

Adam and Dev said...

Nice post...I agree with the previous comment. By the way, that's cool about deciding to be a photo major! I hope you enjoy it and good luck. You are very talented in it...maybe you will have to take some family pictures for me sometime :)