Dedicated to my sunburn.

ya know, a lot of the time I write for those who read my blog, but today I could care less if anyone read this post.

I feel like I should be blogging about something deep and profound.  Probably because the only things I have been thinking lately have been deep and profound, but when I try to focus on just one thought I can't.  My mind has been going thousands of miles an hour that I can't hang on to any of it!
I am getting antsy for the semester to be over.  I want summer to come, school to be out, and well I want to move home.  Right before Christmas break last semester I got this same anxious feeling- only it has kicked in a lot sooner this time.
This week, and the next three to come, I plan on stowing away at the library.  It is time for this girl to buckle down and get some work done.  In high school I worked hard- One could classify me as a "teachers-pet" or even a "goody two-shoes" and to be honest I was okay with that.  College has been a whole different story.  I feel like all I do is mess around- probably because that is all I do. . . I am getting by with dissent grades, but doing the bare minimum will only hold out so long.

Today I did a lot of people watching.  I skipped my Crossfit class to study for a math test I had and found myself basking in the sun while I went of logarithmic and exponential equations.  I probably sat outside for a good two hours leaving with a slight sunburn and a wasp bite on my leg (yes, it was a wasp bite not a sting). There are so many people here at USU.  Sometimes I forget that small fact.  Everyday I see people I have never seen before- bewilderment!  SO MANY PEOPLE, I love and hate this fact.  Last weekend I went home- everyone knows me there.  I like that people know me.  They know who I am, where I come from, what I am like, my character, my standards- EVERYTHING- (this could also be a good and bad thing.)  Sometimes I wish I had that here.

I need to go to bed so that I can be alert physically, mentally and spiritually.
Life is full of checks and balances that keep us on our toes.  I like it.

I just caught one of my deep thoughts:

"The Lord will take care of the details"- Elder John Groberge, fireside April 10, 2011

sleep, The lack of.

Current Song playing on ipod: It's Raining Men

Current location: Living room

Current time: 2:55 AM February 20, 2011

Notice: my hair is crazy- as I get older and older it grows more curly. . . does this mean I am going more boy crazy?  or just crazy in general?  I like it though- it makes it easy and FAST to do . . . for the most part-  Thanks head for growing hair that is a little bit wild-  It makes my life interesting and gives me a chance to mix it up! (:

Good thing it is Sunday tomorrow- I can have a nap. . . (ya right!) .  I should be in bed, but I am not tired, not that I have tried to go to bed.  I bet if I laid down I would fall asleep- o well, sleeping is good but I will sleep when I get old!
It is freezing cold in our basement- It is snowing outside and I keep hearing the snow plows drive down the road.  I bet the plow-drivers are way tired and their wives are anxious for them to return so that they can sleep well again and not rustle around restless in their beds searching for the warmth of the man that lays beside them.
As soon as I fall asleep I know I am going to have to pee-  I am currently drinking a large glass of milk to wash down the Cadbery Mini Eggs that I have been snacking on all evening!  They are so amazingly good- definitely worth peeing my bed for. . . maybe not.  Gross- sorry for that image.  For the record I haven't peed my bed since I was eight years old.  I know, that is quite old to be peeing the bed I remember begging my mom not to tell anyone- especially my younger sister.

Wow, this post

is going in so many 

different directions. . . 

sorry about that!

 This next week is going to be huge!  My friend Tyson is running for Programming VP up at the school! Dah!  nervous!  He asked me to be his campaign manager even though I have no idea what is going on! I feel like an underdog!  Maybe, just maybe we will pull through though- my fingers are crossed!  I have been designing some things and painting signs and talking strategy with Tyson.  I think he has a pretty sweet plan and it may just work!

If you are a student

enrolled at Utah State

Please vote for Tyson!

After all every vote counts

Getting all this stuff put together is reminding me of high school- 

Painting all the homecoming signs, all the extracurricular activities I did, my perfectionism. . . 

Yep, just like high school. . . 

No sleep, lots of milk, and a messy room.

I am so glad it is a four day week next week!

Funny side note! I am going to have a longer weekend than week!

I didn't have class on Friday and there is no class Monday due to President's Day . . .

FIVE DAY WEEKEND!

Oh- by the way I would like to announce that most of my roommates (minus one) have now joined the blogging world! 

I pretty much think they are amazing and I am sure you will all love them too!

Check 'em out:

• Kellie (look our names are almost exactly alike. . except for one letter)
• Tami (She is my room-roommate)
• Jordan (The smart one- 'nough said.)

We have decided that we are kindred spirits. . . It is pretty legit- just sayin'

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ONE MORE THING!
If you think my blog is even a lil' bit awesome- or at least fun to read some times (especially how I miss spell and miss use lots of words) then I think you should FOLLOW it!  I know it is a HUGE commitment and everything, but it makes me feel good!  O and if you want to share my thoughts with anyone else feel free to.


Okay- I am done now, sleep is in order. . . 

a year ago.

A year ago I was spending countless hours at the school.  I school would start at eight and often times I didn't get home until midnight because I was putting together my Sterling Scholar Portfolio.  At the time I remember feeling anxious, nervous, irritable, confused, unprepared and sort of like I was wasting my time.  I wasn't completely sold on why I was making this portfolio- I had put it in my mind that I wasn't going to win- but my goal was to get acknowledged as a runner up.  

My Sterling Scholar became my everyday activity - especially through the months of January and February.  I would make a page- get it edited for design.  Write on the page- get it edited for grammar.  (this process was on going)  Then when I had all my pages finished I asked so many people to look through it and give me their two-bits.  EDITING WAS CRAZY!  Then I practiced interviewing (I love interviewing- is that weird?) Questions were asked all through my classes, I practiced with my fellow sterling scholar runners and then we even set up mock interviews.  To this day I am still indebted to all those who took time to help me.  

All this work paid off.  The day of the portfolio review was intense- I made myself sick and even though I felt really good about how my review went I was still ridiculously nervous.  All the applicants I was going against were so talented, dedicated and through my eyes so deserving of the award.  

I still can't believe I won. . . 

I worked long and hard on these pages and even today I look at it and feel pleased with the outcome.

 

    

 

 

I was also working on this:

 

 

 

I was compiling some histories of my high school.  I will one day finish this huge project!  I really like how far I got though.

I get distracted so easily. . .
back to homework-

then and now.

A year ago from today I was comfortably overwhelmed.
I year ago from today I was planning homecoming.  I was shopping for a dress.  I had volleyball practice every night from three thirty to six.  I was organizing cheer activities.  I was delegating my senior class.  I year ago from today I was home and busy as I will get out.  I remember staying at the school for fourteen plus hours at a time some days-  I remember feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, but I just kept chugging along. . And it is true sometimes I would break down and cry- (that is what I do when I just can't take anymore pressure and stress)  My mom would tell me to take things a day at a time and things would be so much better.  I don't entirely miss a year from today.  I learned to love being busy- after all that is all I ever knew.  But to be quite honest I don't entirely miss it.

Today I am taking thirteen credits in college, and I am entirely okay with that- I could have taken more, but for now this feels good.  I have become a social butterfly, when I'm not at school or doing homework I am with my friends.  I never thought I could have seen my friends as family, but when I'm this far away from home I have decided that my friends are my family here.
Today I feel tired.  I am living up the college life I guess you could say.  I went to bed at two last night because I wanted to finish a paper that is due Wednesday.  I figure if I finished it last night I could spend today typing another paper that is due Wednesday. . . which leads me to the topic of homework. . . yes these days my free time is spent studying- blah!
Today my body aches.  We did sprints to finish our lap swimming work out.  I love swimming it makes me feel empowered.
Today I want to sleep, but I can't.  Today I feel like I could just pass out on my bedroom floor and sleep there until family home evening.  But I can't!!!  I need to type another paper and I should read my economics homework. . . .
Today I must decide what my priorities are.

So much can happen in a year.  A year ago from today I had no idea what direction my life was headed in.  And now that I'm here I'm very much excited to see what my future has in store for me.  I wonder what will happen in the next year.

Two years ago.

I have been reflecting on the past two years lately, mainly because a dear friend of mine left on his mission two years ago- and well he comes home tomorrow.

I once heard that a mission was like popsicles.

The first one like the first year is hard and goes by slow,

and the second melts away quickly passing by!

I believe this.

It all started when I was about nine years old . . .

NO this isn't one of those "puppy loves" stories.

I had started taking piano and my classes were right after school.  So on every Monday, or Wednesday, or whenever it was I would get off the bus at my teachers stop.  That was the same bus stop Shane got off of, after all they were neighbors.  My piano teachers son, Adam, was Shane's best friend and so the two of them would cut through Shane's yard to get to Adam's house while I walked all the way around the block! This went on for about two months then one day Shane yelled over at me and said, "Hey if you want to you can cut through my yard!"- I looked up, and kept walking not giving them any acknowledgement or anything!

Give me a break I was in like second grade and these

two fourth grade BOYS were talking to me. . . 

What was I suppose to do?

Many years later- I was a freshman in high school, and well to be quite blunt I was boy crazy!  I think most freshman girls are. . . 

All year long my group of girl friends and I all had a crush on a boy named Justin, one of Shane's friends!  O we all thought he was so gorgeous and every time he would walk down the hall we gawked over him!  Sometime he would smile in our direction and we would always get really gitty!  On the down side Justin had a girlfriend. . . 

Freshman year was almost over- it was about March, maybe April when band tour rolled around.

Now I'm sure you have all heard the saying,

"What happens at band tour stays at band tour."

But this is the exception.

Where I went to school band was huge, everyone was apart of it, because well we rocked- and band tour was always the trip of the year.  All of my friends were in band along with Justin and all of his friends, which if you have already forgotten includes Shane!  My friends and I had made a plan, a plan to get Justin to leave his girl friend and fall for one of us.

A silly, childish plan I must admit, but we were serious!

It is really funny to think about now.

Now I had talked to Shane maybe a few times before the trip.  He had always referred to me as "Denton's little sister" because he could never really remember my name- it always frustrated me when people called me "D's little sister" I don't know why. . .  But to be honest I sometimes forgot Shane's name and had to say his last name to remember his first name- if that makes any sense at all, but it worked.

When we first made it to St. George, that is where band tour was that year we all got off the bus and went swimming!  Ah! one of my most favorite things!  Shane and Rae, another one of Shane's friends, had asked if we wanted to come and we agreed knowing that Justin would be there.  It was long after dunking each other that I realized that I didn't really care for Justin as much as I had thought. . . Shane on the other hand! (:

I was with him the rest of the trip. . . except for when he went to the movies- I didn't think I should go because I wasn't sixteen yet and if I went everyone would have been paired off.  Before leaving our hotel the last day he had picked me a rose and gave it to me as we got on the bus!  I never forgot his name after that!

Now for some of the things I remember most about our time together:

1. Shane was my first date- he had reserved the night of my birthday almost six months in advance!  That is a lot of waiting for a fifteen turning sixteen year old!  I think I was more excited to go on my first date than to drive, everyone knew it too!  Waiting for Shane to come to the door that night was like waiting to run upstairs after Santa Clause came on Christmas morning- I was anxiously sick!
2. Shane opened every door for me!  One time he had opened the door and teasing me went to close it again- I didn't notice and walked right into the side of the door- Shane felt so bad the rest of the day!
3. One time I took Shane to my grandma's we built puzzles and Grandma fed us Chicken Pot Pie- my grandma has loved him ever since!  She tells me that she likes the way he looks at me.
4. Most of the time Shane and I spent together was just talking we talked a lot.  He would come over and visit and we would talk until curfew, or until his parents called him home.  Sometimes we would even go dance on my front lawn.
5. Because Shane washed cars for his dad's car lot he would always offer to help wash mine!  We had record timing too when it came to a quick clean!
6. Shane and I would text from the time he got up until the time I fell asleep- He would always stay up later than me. . . which is really late because if anyone knows the family I come from we are night owls!
7. Shane used to drive past the pool when I was at work and bring me sourpatch watermelons!

When Shane left on his mission I was so lonely- I missed him almost everyday, even though I didn't cry when we said goodbye. . in fact I didn't cry until the next night when his dad brought me a letter that Shane had wrote for me.

Now that he is almost home I am about scared sick!  Some of you may not understand. . . I don't even understand myself-  But it is true and when I think about it I go into like anxiety attacks!  

An example of an anxiety attack for me would be:

Breaking out in tears during the fireside on Sunday!

I have lots of anxiety right now!

SO MUCH IS CHANGING!

I don't know what to expect and I think that is why I'm the most nervous- It isn't going to be the same as when he just left. .  . I know that- for goodness sakes we are two different people now.  Both of us have grown so much!  I am very anxious though-