Love Story

The title maybe a bit of a disclaimer. 

I mean, this very well could be a love story, but who is to say one way or another.  

Maybe one day it will be written down, but for now this is all there is.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

I want to tell the world about love and how it makes your heart burn

. . . a heart burn that even TUMS can't cure.

I want to tell about the pounding in my chest and about the smile that I can't wipe off my face, 

even with post wisdom teeth cheeks.

I want to dance around in circles as fast as I can just lie on the grass and watch the sky spin around me

. . . and for a moment it will seem as if time has stopped.

I want to tell about Happy Wednesdays

I want to tell about rocks on my widow late at night 

and bouquets of self-picked garden flowers, wrapped in twine.

I know some of you would swoon over hikes up the canyon,

eating a candle-lit dinner in a corn field,

meetings that last for 30 seconds- 30 seconds of complete joy.

I tell about the significance of pillows- lots of them.

I would tell you why this song makes me happy and why Bryan Ragan makes me laugh.

I admit getting porch lights flashed at me and being late for curfew.

I want to tell how it feels to be vulnerable.

I want to share the fear and hope I have in each breath.

I want to admit that I tried my hardest to ignore my strongest desire

I want to tell about April snow storms at the park.

I would include forehead kisses, holding hands, and white jumpsuits.

I want to write about patterns cut into lawn,

and about tears on my face that don't belong to me.

I want to make mention that all hasn't been easy

or simple and marvelous, sometimes pain was felt.

Heart aches happen, healing takes time.

Sorry is a valuable word, and when used sincerely can change perspective.

Maybe someday I will write this love story. . .

BUT 

today I can't.

I am sorry, I physically just can't do it.

It will make me cry, again.

I am moving,

going back to Logan.

I love Logan and I love everyone in Logan.

However,

moving means I am leaving here.

My home.

My family, all those I love.

My summer- oh, how good it has been to me.

I don't like saying goodbye.

                      xoxo,

                         Kels

Goodbyes.

August this year has been a month of lasts and goodbyes- I honestly haven't enjoyed it one bit.
Most of my friends have already moved away, and I'm left here to work, and to think. . . and thinking causes me anxiety- anxiety causes me to get sick and to breakout.  I'm in a no win situation.
Last night I said goodbye to Deven-
A quick background about Deven:
We met at the Regional Stake Conference Dance June 2009- (he had a girlfriend haha!)

I saw him at the pool with his girlfriend, but didn't realize it was him until after he left.

I didn't talk to him again until November that same year when he added me on Facebook.
Our first date was December 16- he sang with the choir during the Forgotten Carols, I was there with my family watching, then after he picked me up.

I got home around one thirty in the morning- way past curfew, and it was a school night. . .

I think I was on time for curfew maybe once since I went with him - oops! (:

From then on we became the dearest friends.  

Funny small fact:  I thought he had a crush on my friend Chevia!  haha- 

This was before I really knew him so I didn't really care.

I recently just told him and he laughed his guts out!  He thought I was kidding!

Deven and I could be silly- crazy and wild with all the works!  

We could tease each other to no end and get caught up in playing pretend.

BUT we could also be serious together.

Dev and I could have spiritual conversations and tell each other the ramblings of our thoughts.

We prayed together countless times.

. . . . And last night we sad goodbye.

As of right now Deven is driving to the land of far away to go to school.

The land of far away is UVU.

USU is the land of far far away.

UVU is the halfway point between my home and my USU.

I am a bawl-baby, but most people don't know that.

I don't cry in front of people, I won't let myself- and I ESPECIALLY don't cry over boys!

And then last night happened. . . 

I cried in Deven's arms, he cried too, but don't hold that against him.

He made me the most beautiful picture frame with all the pictures he has taken of us.

Deven is an amazing photographer!

The picture frame is beautiful!  It is a wooden heart that he put so much planning and hard work into!!! Did I mention it is beautiful and that I love it?

We prayed with each other last night.

He gave me a hug, a kiss, and then he was gone.

I cried.

I felt like a little girl again crying to my mommy.

I have only cried over two boys- I hate saying goodbye.

I told myself not to fall for Deven because I knew sooner or later I would have to say goodbye.

I believe everyone we meet we meet for a reason.

I believe that the Lord puts people in our lives to help sculpt us into the tools he needs.

I will never forget Deven, or all the things he made me love.

I dried my tears and got ready for bed.

I put my retainer in and I put a face mask on my face to help with the break out.

Looked through the photo album and at the frame one more time.

Then I fell asleep.

I woke up this morning being kissed on the cheek!

I figured I was dreaming- I have vivid dreams.

I wasn't!  

It was Deven!

We had made a bet a long time ago that he would never be 
able to wake me up because I was always up before him.

He told me good morning and that he just had to see me one more time before he left! 

this is the "Awwwe" moment!

He was only here for maybe one minute and then he was gone-

I loved it!

I didn't even care that I had a face mask on and my retainer in-

I was just glad to see him again.

It's a love/hate relationship.

Sunflowers and I have a love/hate relationship.
I once heard that sunflowers are weeds, is that true?
I love how sunflowers pop up all over the place and remind of us how miraculous the earth is.
This flower is bold and powerful- It is a "happy flower".

A sunflower, to me, also symbolizes the end of summer.  When I was little I asked my mom why the sunflowers hadn't come out yet (it was probably the first of June).  My mom told me that sunflowers don't bloom until the end of summer. . . from then on when the sunflowers start blooming it brings me to the realization that school is coming and my favorite season is drawing to an end.