Wednesday, November 7, 2012

watch me breathe.

Sometimes I watch myself breathe and I think, "Yes, this is me breathing."

I wonder what I look like from another person's eyes. I wonder how I sound, how I move, how much sense I make to someone who doesn't absorb my every thought.

We are all the same, yet the details are different. The little experiences that build a person and shape them into who they become are so crucial to life - to eternity.

No, it isn't the experiences. It is the way we perceive our experiences that define who we will be. 

I am sitting at the kitchen bar, trying to spit out a paper and it hit me - I leave in a week. Today I said goodbye to a handful of my close Logan friends, yet it doesn't seem real. It is almost as if I am watching myself live. I can hear myself speak, I am watching me move and my thoughts are so jumbled up that they don't make sense to me.

. . . but then I look down at my chest cavity and am entranced by the rhythmic up and down movement it makes and I know that it is me- I am breathing. 

"I am good at this breathing thing."

My life is surreal. I feel like I am living a novel - a LDS bestseller. 

The decision has been made and she knows she must leave.
She knows that if she doesn't go now she will never be able to swallow the lump
that has been lingering in her throat since she opened her call five months ago.

Love taunts her every move. Love? 
Yet she knows she has to leave. Her every fiber knows it.
And so she jumps- knowing that the Lord will fill her wings with flight.

Okay, okay- maybe a tad bit cheesy, but that is just it. My life right now is so complex and so cheesy that it doesn't seem logical. Yet, it is perfect. 

After all, I am the one breathing.

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